Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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