I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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