Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
