Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
