At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
