sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
