I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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