wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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