Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
