I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
