saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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