she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
