His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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