Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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