guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
