Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
