I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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