I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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