did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
