There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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