We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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