i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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