Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
