census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
