i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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