it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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