We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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