im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
