remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
