Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
