She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
40s are totally the cure
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
