its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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