i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
high people should be assigned attendants
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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