the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
