so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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