I think I am morally bankrupt
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
