I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
