Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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