Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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