This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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