The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Where is the hickey?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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