So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
