I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.