he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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