I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
