Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused