God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.