Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  "Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.

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  (419): "Morning after" poops are always like, interesting. http://tfl.nu/5eje
  Replies (12) Good night (1086) Bad night (2365)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in

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  (514): Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in http://tfl.nu/gix0
  Replies (30) Good night (11805) Bad night (890)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.

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  (651): I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all. http://tfl.nu/rpqm
  Replies (9) Good night (4131) Bad night (1161)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.

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  (816): I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches. http://tfl.nu/de5z
  Replies (16) Good night (758) Bad night (3948)
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  (530): View more from California

  Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts

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  (530): Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts http://tfl.nu/nvqd
  Replies (7) Good night (3026) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"

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  (216): she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm" http://tfl.nu/ofag
  Replies (20) Good night (4759) Bad night (1199)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

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  (507): I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure http://tfl.nu/8ozd
  Replies (5) Good night (2557) Bad night (1087)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick

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  (708): this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick http://tfl.nu/q9ek
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (983)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (2168) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  what are we doing this weekend?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.

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  (708): what are we doing this weekend? (1-708): I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/uvwp
  Replies (5) Good night (2166) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate

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  (217): Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking? (217): Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate http://tfl.nu/x0ta
  Replies (9) Good night (1711) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.

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  (603): It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders. http://tfl.nu/0knl
  Replies (3) Good night (1233) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Smooth sack

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  (864): I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf? (864): Smooth sack http://tfl.nu/a871
  Replies (12) Good night (1209) Bad night (615)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast

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  (563): I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast http://tfl.nu/ae47
  Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'll be there in 20 with vodka.

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  (330): MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. (216): I'll be there in 20 with vodka. http://tfl.nu/ar06
  Replies (5) Good night (1445) Bad night (522)

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