I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
