I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom