Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?