Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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