Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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