Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
