Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
