Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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