Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
