gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
