I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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