Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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