I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
