ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
