So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
