I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
