obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
