Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
