his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
