I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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