Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
