marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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