I'm jealous of your bromance
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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