walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
