Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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