We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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