I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
