Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
